So, here comes Ricky Gervais, one of the only British comedy people I don't want to suffocate with a greasy newspaper used to serve fish and chips (I'm looking at you, Mr. Bean). Then comes this C-level actress who is in a movie written by Tennessee Williams. After the clip she showed, I hope Tennessee Williams doesn't come back from the grave in his seersucker suit to kick our collective asses for allowing this crap to be made. But his name was Tennessee, so it's not like he has room to talk. Anyway, just when I was ready to call it a night, the stand up comedian comes out. This is a staple of late-night talk shows, I understand. Many of our biggest stars today started like this. But this woman was terrible. Most of them are. I sat there thinking that if I got a microphone, yelled into it, talked about how stupid men are, flailed my arms about and laughed at my own jokes, maybe I could get on television too.
And now, thanks to me, you can too! (YOU'RE WELCOME). I have compiled my own Stand Up Comedy Mad Lib, so you can live the dream of a high four-figure income and nights spent in the best La Quinta Inns in the country. Have fun!
STAND UP COMEDY MAD LIB
Thank you! It's so nice to be here in [SMALL CITY WITH ONLY A SONIC AND WAL-MART]! Hey did you guys hear this story in the news about [CELEBRITY WHO SLEPT WITH A PROSTITUTE]? That's [ADJECTIVE OR EXPLETIVE]! When I want to get a date with [FAMOUS WHORE], I usually use [FORM OF COMMUNICATION] or [PORN SITE]. I mean, come on. Men are so stupid sometimes, they [SOMETHING STUPID] and they don't even realize they are doing it. Am I right, ladies? So, my [INSULTING ADJECTIVE] boyfriend is laying in bed the other night listening to [BREATHY, RASPY VOICED CROONER] and he's all, "come on baby, let's try [KAMA SUTRA POSTION]. I'm like are you serious? I wish you got this excited when I asked you to [DEMEANING CHORE]. Ha ha ha! Thank you, you've been a [ASS-KISSING ADJECTIVE] audience! Buy my new CD on [WEB SITE NO ONE WILL EVER GO TO]!
1 comment:
Ha! Hey, you should get a job writing for one of those [HORRID] late night t.v. shows.... Maybe we could stand to watch then...
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